Ruling on hiring a woman to bear the daff for women

Is it permissible to bring a woman singer to a wedding party, if we stipulate that she should only sing songs that are not immoral in content and use the daff only, and not put loudspeakers outside?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If the matter is as described in the question and the shar’i conditions of using the daff only in a wedding party will be adhered to, then there is nothing wrong with bringing a female singer and paying her for her work. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

As for giving money to women who play the daff, there is nothing wrong with it, because that is a payment for permissible work. But giving money to women who play other kinds of drums is not permissible, because that is payment for haraam work. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When Allaah forbids a thing, he forbids its price.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, 4938; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Ghaayat al-Maraam, 318. 

End quote. Liqa’ al-Baab il-Maftooh, 1/580. See al-Liqa’ al-Shahri, 235 

We must point out here that beating the daff at wedding parties and paying someone to do that is permissible in principle, but it may be accompanied by haraam or makrooh things which make it disallowed. 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:   

Beating the daff at weddings is permissible according to sharee’ah so as to announce the wedding, but if other evil consequences happen as a result of that, then it is not allowed. End quote. 

Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 10/218 

Examples of that include dancing to this daff. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

Dancing is makrooh, especially if there is the fear of fitnah (temptation) as a result, because sometimes the dancer may be young and beautiful, and her dancing may provoke desire even in women. End quote. 

Liqa’ al-Baab al-Maftooh, 1/580 

See also question no. 5000 and 9290 

Another example is extravagance in the fee paid. 

The fee paid to the woman who beats the daff should be reasonable, not extravagant. Allaah says, forbidding extravagance (interpretation of the meaning): 

“and waste not by extravagance. Verily, He likes not Al‑Musrifoon (those who waste by extravagance)”

[al-An’aam 6:141] 

This extravagance may be a cause of blessing being taken away from this marriage. It is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The woman who brings the greatest blessing is the one whose wedding arrangements are the most moderate.” Narrated by Ahmad, 24595; classed as saheeh by al-Haakim, and al-Dhahabi agreed with him. Al-‘Iraaqi said in Takhreej Ahaadeeth al-Ihya’: its isnaad is jayyid. 

But it was classed as da’eef by al-Haythami in Majma’ al-Zawaa’id, 7332; and by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Da’eefah, 1117. 

And Allaah knows best.

Is it permissible for a man who is suffering from some sexual difficulties to get married?

I'm still a single man who wants to get married. But I have a little problem...that problem has to do with slight, doubtful, and irregular impotence. And I keep thinking that if I do get married that my future wife would not accept that. That may cause a divorce. What are the best things to do? And should I get married, or not?

Praise be to Allaah.  

The nature of human beings is that there are great differences among them with regard to sexual desire. Some of them have strong desires, some have less than that, to a greater or lesser extent, and there are some who have no desire at all. If you have any desire at all, even if it is little, then you may get married; it is sufficient for you to be able to have intercourse, even if it is only once every month or every two months. 

Fatwa of Shaykh Ibn Jibreen, from Fataawa Islamiyyah, vol. 3, p. 161. 

But if there is a complete inability to have intercourse, then that must be made clear to the guardian of the woman before the marriage takes place. And Allaah knows best.

When is it obligatory for men to get married?

is it obligatory for men to get married?

Praise be to Allaah.

The ruling on marriage for men differs according to their situations and circumstances. Marriage is obligatory on the man who is able to marry and longs to get married, and fears “hardship” otherwise, because it is obligatory for him to protect himself from doing haraam deeds and to keep himself chaste – and this can only be achieved through marriage.

Al-Qurtubi said: if a person is able to marry and fears that he may be harmed or his religious commitment may be adversely affected if he remains single, the only way to prevent this harm is through marriage, and there is no difference of opinion among the scholars – they agree that marriage is obligatory on such a person.

Al-Mardaawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book Al-Insaaf: Part Three: the one who fears “hardship”. In the case of such a person, marriage is obligatory, and this is the unanimous opinion of the scholars… “Hardship” here means zinaa (fornication), according to the correct opinion. Or it was said that it means being doomed by committing zinaa… What is meant by “Unless he fears that he may fall into committing forbidden actions” means, if he knows or thinks that he will do that. In Al-Furoo’ it says: (marriage) becomes obligatory only when he is sure that he will do that. (Al-Insaaf, part 8; Kitaab al-Nikaah, Ahkaam al-Nikaah).

If he wants to get married but is unable to spend on a wife, then he should adhere to the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):

“And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allâh enriches them of His Bounty” [al-Noor 24:33]

So he should fast a lot, because of the hadeeth narrated from Ibn Mas’ood who said that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young people, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, for it helps one to lower the gaze and protect the private parts (i.e., remain chaste). Whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it is a protection for him.”

‘Umar said to Abu’l-Zawaa’id: “Nothing is stopping you from getting married except incapacity or immorality.” (See Fiqh Al-Sunnah, 2/15-17)

Marriage is obligatory on anyone who is single and committing sin such as looking or kissing. If a man or women knows or thinks it most likely that if he does not get married he will commit zinaa – or whatever comes under the same rulings or is similar to it, such as masturbation, then marriage is obligatory. It is still obligatory even if a person knows that he will still commit sin after marriage, because once he is married he will be less likely to commit sin, because he will be distracted from it at least part of the time, whereas if he remains single he will commit sin all the time.

Anyone who looks at the state of things in our times, how there is so much immorality and so much temptation, will be convinced that the obligation to marry is even more important now than at any time in the past. We ask Allaah to purify our hearts, keep us away from haraam things and help us to be chaste. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

He talks about marriage secrets and gets married with the intention of divorcing the woman

I'm married to a muslim to whom I'm losing trust.  We've been married for a few years. I knew him prior to marriage and I (we) did repent for that. But he has gone off on (2) different occasions to acquire a second wife. On both occasions the sisters that he married seemed more out of desire and assuming that things would be different with marrying a less than knowledgable individual that lack basic manners and deen. Even after knowing this at the time of marriage, he consumates then complains that he wants this second wife to have similar manners and deen as I do. My concern is that he has reveiled his past (I know that as muslims we should keep these things to ourselves) and he was married several times as a kafir, and cheated on these wives and now it seems that he's using Islam as a justification for doing this (having mutiple wives). He's says that he loves me, but I feel that he's just used to me and my good manners and resourcefulness, but he doesn't attempt to treat the second spouse the way he treats me. He is very open to tell me things about the second spouse that I don't want to hear.
Both marriages were seemed to be performed in a very sneaky and questionable manner. I don't have a enough space to go into the details. He has stated on occassions that he has to have a second wife. Is it allowed in Islam for a man to marry and divorce as many women as he wants (I know no more than 4 at one time), but one every few months, even if he's just marrying another woman for the purpose of having something different temporarily? With the intent of using one of her negative qualities as a reason for divorce? We do not have children. Am I allowed to request a divorce on the grounds that I cannot continue to cope with these situations and I'm losing the love and desire for my husband.

Praise be to Allaah.  

Firstly: 

It is obligatory for both spouses to keep the secrets of the marriage, especially anything that has to do with their intimate relationship in bed.  The wife is entrusted with the husband’s secrets and the husband is entrusted with the wife’s secrets. 

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned to the men and said, “Is there any man among you who, when he comes to his wife, he locks the door, throws his blanket over himself and conceals himself with the cover of Allaah?” They said, “Yes.” He said, “And does he sit after that and say, ‘I did such and such, and I did such and such?’” They remained silent. Then he turned to the women and said, “Is there anyone among you who speaks (of private marital matters)?” They remained silent. Then a buxom young girl sat up tall so that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would see her and hear her words, and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, (the men) speak and (the women) speak.” He said, “Do you know what the likeness of that is? The likeness of that is that of a female devil who meets a male devil in the street and he fulfils his desire with her when the people are looking on.” 

Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2174. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7037. 

Secondly: 

With regard to your husband’s other marriages, if that is for the purpose of “having a change” as you say, then this is marriage with the intention of divorcing, which is deceiving the woman and her guardians (walis). 

Shaykh Muhammad Rasheed Rida (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

The fact that the scholars of the earlier and later generations emphatically forbade mut’ah (temporary marriage) implies that marriage with the intention of divorce is haraam, even though the fuqaha’ said that a marriage contract is valid if the husband intends it to be temporary but did not state that as a condition in the marriage contract; but his concealing that is regarded as a betrayal and deceit, and this contract deserves to be annulled more than one in which he stipulated the condition that it be temporary with the agreement of the husband, the wife and the wife’s guardian. This leads to many evil consequences as it is abusing this great bond which is the greatest of human relationships, and going along with one’s whims and desires. When this condition is not stated clearly, that is cheating and betrayal which leads to other bad consequences such as enmity, hatred and loss of trust even of sincere people who want to get married in the real sense, which means protecting the chastity of both partners and cooperating in establishing a righteous home… 

Quoted from Fiqh al-Sunnah by al-Sayyid al-Saabiq, 2/39 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) spoke similar words on the prohibition of such marriages. He said: 

Moreover this view – the view that (such marriages) are permitted – may be exploited by those who are weak in faith for evil purposes, as we hear that some people have started to go on vacation, during time off from studies, to other countries to get married with the intention of divorcing soon. I have been told that some of them marry several wives on these trips, as if they go there only to satisfy their desires which are more like zina (adultery, fornication) – we seek refuge with Allaah.

Because of this we think that even if there is a view that it is permitted, it is not appropriate to open this door because it has becomes a means that leads to that which we have mentioned. 

With regard to my opinion on this matter, I say that this marriage contract is a valid contract, but it involves deceit and betrayal, so it may become haraam because of that. 

It is deceit and betrayal because the wife and her guardian, if they knew the intention of this husband, and that his intention is to enjoy intimacy with her and then divorce her, they would not adept this marriage. So in that sense he is deceiving and betraying them. 

If he tells them that he wants her to stay with him for the duration of his visit to that country, and they agree to that, then this marriage is mut’ah (temporary marriage). 

Hence I think that it is haraam, but if anyone goes ahead and does it, then the marriage contract is valid, but it involves sin. 

Liqa’ al-Baab al-Maftooh, Question 1391. 

But if he married you with the intention of making the marriage permanent, and he has no intention of divorce, but then something happens which is a reason for divorce, then there is no sin on him in that case. 

Thirdly: 

With regard to his getting married in secret, if that is in the presence of the woman’s guardian and two witnesses, and the marriage contract is done in that fashion, then it is a valid marriage. But if it is done without the woman’s guardian or without the presence of two witnesses, then the marriage is not valid. See questions no. 7989 and 2127. 

Fourthly: 

We advise your husband to fear Allaah with regard to his family, and to fear Him with regard to people’s honour. He should note that it is not permissible for him to fool about in this manner, for marriage is love, tranquility and compassion, so he should not make it merely a means of satisfying his desire and then abandon the woman.

We also advise you to be gentle in denouncing your husband, and to preserve the stability of the home, and be sure of what you mention about his intention in taking several wives and what you do not like about him. Remember that a woman’s jealousy towards co-wives may lead her to make mountains out of molehills, and the waswaas (whispers) of the Shaytaan may make it worse, with the aim of disrupting the stability of Muslim families. 

So look at the matter with a little wisdom, especially the matter of his intention, which you cannot really know. Ask Allaah to show you the truth of the matter, and pray istikhaarah with regard to either staying with him or asking for separation. Think about your situation if you get divorced and what the consequences of that would be, then decide whether it is better for you to leave him or to stay and put up with it.  If you cannot bear it because of the things you have mentioned, then you have the right to ask for separation. 

And Allaah knows best.

Ruling on delaying marriage because of studies for one who fears that he may do something haraam

I was born and raised a Christian, however since learning about Islam I have recently converted. Before my conversion I allowed a fallen Muslim to touch me. Since then I have not allowed for any touching, inappropriate words, or unsupervised visits. I have repented and so has he of these terrible acts. His parents are helping me to understand and follow the Quran. He has asked me to marry him, and I wish to do so. The problem is this: his parents wish for him to wait to marry until after college. Should I wait to be engaged or should I become engaged immediately?  I know that it is better to marry than to commit immoral sexual acts, and I am afraid that these acts will be very tempting, especially in our minds, even if we do not see each other alone (which I do not wish to do). I want to respect and love his family, and I do not know how to appropriately arrange for such things as marriage when they are the only Muslims I know. PLEASE HELP! I want to enter into a moral arrangement and I do not want to be a girlfriend!

Praise be to Allaah Who has guided you to Islam, and has bestowed this great blessing upon you. We ask Him to keep you steadfast. One of the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you is that Islam wipes out whatever sins came before it, and we ask Him to accept your repentance and the repentance of everyone who repents. 

With regard to engagement and marriage, our advice to you and to this young man is to hasten to get married if possible, especially since you are afraid of doing something haraam. In this case, the issue of marriage takes priority over the issue of studying. So long as marriage is what you both want, you should try hard to convince his parents of that. Remind them of what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to the young men: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. Whoever cannot afford that, then he should fast, for that will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065; Muslim, 1400.  

He can also remind them of how many temptations there are, and that the Muslim has to resist them by every legitimate shar’i means available. Undoubtedly marriage is one of the greatest means of protecting oneself against these temptations. Indeed, the scholars state that marriage is obligatory in such cases. (al-Mughni, 9/341). It may be sufficient to do the marriage contract which meets the conditions stipulated in sharee’ah, until you are able to do the waleemah (wedding feast) and consummate the marriage, because this will make it permissible for him to be alone with you and to touch you, because in this case he will be considered to be your husband according to sharee’ah. If you can do that, this is good. But if his family insist on refusing, and this young man is afraid of doing something haraam, then he must try hard to get married if he is able to, even if his parents do not give him permission, whilst also trying to please his family as much as he can. If he is unable to do that, then either you have to be patient and follow the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to those who were not able to get married, which is to fast, and try to keep away from places of temptation and situations in which desire may be provoked, until Allaah brings you together in a good way, or your legal guardian (wali) has to try to look for another righteous person for you to marry, so that you will be safe from the risk of doing something haraam. 

It should be noted here that if you become engaged according to sharee’ah, that does not mean that he is allowed to sit with you or to touch you or to go out with you or to speak to you unnecessarily, until the marriage contract is done between you, fulfilling all the conditions stipulated in sharee’ah. 

For more information on these conditions see Question no. 2127, 7193. And Allaah knows best. 

We ask Allaah to make it easy for you to do the right thing and to ward off evil and immorality from you. Ameen.

Is it permissible to allow a Christian wife to practise her religion in the home?

I know that Allah (S) has permitted us to marry Christians and the Jews. Now, can she practice her religious rites in the same house and have pictures of the crucifiction of Jesus (A) and celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas and etc. Can her kids join her? If no, would not it hurt her feelings? Please, answer me on this issue.

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible for a Muslim to allow his wife from among the People of the Book to celebrate her festivals in his home, for the man is in charge of that woman and she does not have the right to openly celebrate her festivals in his home, because of the resulting effects of corruption, forbidden things and display of the symbols of kufr in his home. He should keep his children from taking part in those innovated festivals, because the children belong to the father and he should keep them away from these forbidden celebrations. At the same time he should direct them towards what will benefit them, even if that affects his relationship with his wife. The aims of sharee’ah and protecting one’s religion – which is one of the most important aims of sharee’ah – take priority over everything else.

Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal was asked about a man who had a Christian wife – could he let her go out to join in the Christian festivals or to go to the church? He said, no.

In al-Mughni (1/21), Ibn Qudaamah says: “(Treatment of women): If his wife is a dhimmiyyah [a Jew or Christian living under Islamic rule], he can prevent her from going to the church, because that is not an act of obedience to Allaah.”

If these scholars said that the husband should stop a Christian wife from going to church, then what do you think is the case with regard to her celebrating these innovated festivals in the house of her Muslim husband? Especially when we know the harm that results from these festivals, which is far worse than her merely going to the church. And Allaah knows best.

The wife of a Daaiyah is complaining because her husband is so busy

brother iam involved in Dawaa now and my wife complains that i have more responsibilty to her and kid and i need to devote more time to her and kids. I fulfill my responsibilities and work and also spent time with her, but she is not happy with it, so kindly guide me that what i need to do here? slow down which i cant because she doesnot like whenever i go or stop since Allah nows the best.

Praise be to Allaah.

This ummah is the nation of moderation and balance, so everyone who belongs to this ummah must be like that in all areas of his life.

At the same time as we are hearing of some Muslims who spend most of their time away from their families – whether for da’wah or for travelling or some other permissible purpose – we are also hearing of the opposite, where some people stay with their families all the time and never devote any time to calling others to Allaah.

Just as a man’s family has rights over him that he should not neglect, other people, Muslims and non-Muslims – also have rights over him which he should not ignore..

It was reported from al-Hasan that ‘Ubayd-Allaah ibn Ziyaad visited Ma’qil ibn Yassaar during his final illness. Ma’qil said to him, I will tell you a hadeeth which I heard from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). I heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say:

“There is no person to whom Allaah has given people to take care of, and he fails to take care of them properly, but he will not smell the fragrance of Paradise.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6731; Muslim, 142)

‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said: the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you will be questioned [about those under his care]. The leader is a shepherd and will be questioned. A man is the shepherd of his family and will be questioned. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and she will be questioned. A slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and will be questioned. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you will be questioned [about those under his care].” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4892; Muslim, 1829).

Many women wish that their husbands would not go out and leave them, not even to pray (in the mosque)! So how about to call people to Allaah? A woman said in the past: Three co-wives would be easier for me than my husband’s library! Because her husband was fond of learning and reading.

So she should not be given everything she wants; the matter should be referred to what Allaah loves and wants.

In the case of some acts of worship, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us not to go beyond what is prescribed in sharee’ah, for fear that the rights of others – above all the family – may be affected because of that. A number of ahaadeeth were narrated concerning this matter, such as:

‘Awn ibn Abi Juhayfah narrated that his father said: the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) established brotherhood (mu’aakhah) between Salmaan and Abu’l-Dardaa’. Salmaan visited Abu’l-Dardaa’ and noticed that Umm al-Dardaa’ appeared scruffy and unkempt (this was before the aayah of hijaab was revealed). He said to her, What is the matter with you? She said, Your brother Abu’l-Dardaa’ has no need of this world. Then Abu’l-Dardaa’ came (to visit him). He made some food for him, and said, Eat. [Abu’l-Dardaa’] said, I am fasting. [Salmaan] said, I will not eat until you eat. So he ate. When night came, Abu’l-Dardaa’ went to pray qiyaam, but [Salmaan] said to him, Sleep, so he slept. Then he wanted to get up for qiyaam, but [Salmaan] said, Sleep. When the last part of the night came, Salmaan said, Now get up. So they prayed, then Salmaan said to him, Your Lord has a right over you, your soul has a right over you and your wife has a right over you, so give each one his due. He [Abu’l-Dardaa’] went to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him about that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Salmaan is right.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1867).

‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me, “O ‘Abd-Allaah, have I not heard that you fast all day and pray all night?” I said, yes, O Messenger of Allaah. He said, “Do not do that. Fast and break your fast, pray qiyaam and sleep, for your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you, your wife has a right over you and your visitors have a right over you. It is sufficient for you to fast three days of every month. For every good deed (hasanah) you will be rewarded tenfold, so that will be like fasting for an entire lifetime.” But I went to extremes and made things hard for myself. I said, O Messenger of Allaah, I can do more than that. He said, “Then observe the fast of the Prophet of Allaah, Dawood (peace be upon him), and no more.” I said, What is the fast of the Prophet of Allaah, Dawood (peace be upon him)? He said, “Half a lifetime.” After he grew old, ‘Abd-Allaah used to say, I wish that I had taken the easier option which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) offered me. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1874; Muslim, 1159).

In these ahaadeeth you can see how the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised moderation in fasting, praying qiyaam and reading Qur’aan – for those who were doing a lot and neglecting their families’ rights. He was drawing attention to the rights of others, including wives and families.

Whoever organizes his time and pays due attention to everyone who has a right over him, should not worry about who is happy and who is not. Do not let da’wah activities take over your life and occupy all your time, but do not listen to your wife and give them up altogether.

One of the things that may help you is to get your wife involved in da’wah activities. Ask her to listen to a tape and summarize it, or to read a book and write down what she has learnt from it, or ask her to attend a study circle or take part in women’s da’wah activities at the Islamic centre or attend women’s seminars held in parallel with the men’s seminars, etc., so that she will feel that she is sharing these activities with you, and she will not feel bored because her husband is away.

Another issue to bear in mind is that you have to help her to understand that she will have a share in the reward if she is patient with you and creates the right atmosphere for you to learn and engage in da’wah. The Sahaabiyyaat (women of the Sahaabah) used to take care of their husband’s houses and children when the men went out for jihaad; they would serve their husband’s guests when they came to visit. If a woman takes care of her husband’s house when he goes out to seek knowledge or engage in da’wah or jihaad, and she serves the seekers of knowledge and daa’iyahs who come to visit him by honouring them and preparing food for them, then she will have a great reward for that. Allaah may admit three people to Paradise because of a single arrow: the one who makes it with a good intention and the one who hands it over – not just the one who shoots it. If a wife understands and remembers this, it will make it much easier for her to bear it when her husband is absent or busy.

We will end with the story of a great woman, Asmaa’ bint Abi Bakr As-Siddeeq, and see what she used to do when her husband was busy with jihaad and da’wah and taking care of the affairs of the Islamic state with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):

Asmaa’ bint Abi Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: I got married to al-Zubayr and he owned nothing in this world apart from a camel for carrying water and a horse. I used to feed his horse, and bring water, and prepare his saddle, and make dough, but I was not good at baking; some women of the Ansaar who were my neighbours used to bake my bread for me, and they were good women. I used to bring the dates from some land which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had given to al-Zubayr, carrying them on my head. (The land) was two-thirds of a farsakh [parasang=approx. 3 miles] away. One day I was coming with the dates on my head, and I met the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) with a group of the Ansaar. He called me and made his camel kneel down so that I could ride behind him. But I felt too shy to go with the men, and I remembered al-Zubayr and how jealous he was, for he was the most jealous of men. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) realized that I felt too shy, so he went on his way. I came to al-Zubayr and told him that I had met the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) whilst I was carrying the dates on my head, and there was a group of his companions with him. He made his camel kneel down so that I could ride on it, but I felt too shy, because I remembered your jealousy. He said, By Allaah, your having to carry the dates is harder for me than your riding with him. Later on, Abu Bakr sent a servant who took care of the horse, and it was as if I had been set free from slavery.

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari,4823).

We ask Allaah to reform the affairs of the Muslims and make things right between husbands and wives. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

And Allaah knows best.

A husband has not been fulfilling his responsibility towards his wife for five years

 If the husband does not take the responsiblity of a wife throughout his marraige of 5 years . what is the wife suppose to do in such case, Is she entitled to maintaince, or if she decides to have a seperation what is the procedure for the divorce according to Quran and sunnah?

Praise be to Allaah.  

Undoubtedly it is the husband’s obligation to spend on his wife and to do his duty towards her and give her all her rights. If he fails her and falls short in his duties towards her, or he causes her harm, then she has the right to demand separation, i.e., divorce. But before that she has to ask him to spend on her and provide her with accommodation, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means”   [al-Talaaq 65:6] 

“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him. Allaah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him”[al-Talaaq 65:7] 

And he has to live with her honourably. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“and live with them honourably”[al-Nisaa’ 4:19] 

If her husband gives her her rights as prescribed in sharee’ah, then it is haraam for her to ask for divorce, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks for divorce when there is no reason, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.” But if she is being harmed, and the situation is too much for her to bear, and he is not spending enough on her or he is not giving her her rights, then she has the right to ask for a divorce. She should go to the qaadi and explain the situation to him, and he in turn should ask the husband to give her her rights or to divorce her. 

Her husband left her for a long time with her agreement; is she sinning by not asking for a divorce?

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce with no reason, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”
 My question: What is the ruling on a wife whose husband left her 4 years ago and she is neither divorced nor is she a wife in any real sense, but she does not want a divorce because she loves him very much, and she hopes that Allaah will guide him and she can go back to him – is she sinning with regard to herself or her husband?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

Firstly:  

Islam has given men a great deal of responsibility, which is to take care of the family and to be the protector and maintainer. The man’s role in fulfilling his duties towards his family is very great, and this role requires him to be present all the time so that he can keep an eye on everything, correct mistakes and guide his young children. He is the mainstay, protector and foundation of this family.  

If a man neglects his role, that results in unjust treatment for his wife. Allaah says in a hadeeth qudsi: “O My slaves, I have forbidden injustice to Myself and I have made it haraam amongst you, so do not treat one another unjustly.” This may lead to destruction of the family and a great deal of evil may result from this separation, for both the man and the woman. Each of them may take a lover to make up for missing their spouse, for the Shaytaan exploits weak points and flows through the son of Adam like blood. 

In addition to that, think of the injustice that happens to the children as a result and the shortcoming in taking care of them that means that the woman has to work harder and play the role of both father and mother at the same time. This is something that cannot be done in most cases. We all know the status of the father and the role that he plays in the family, and what may happen when he is not there. How will the children be raised, and how much will they suffer when their father is absent from them? This is what makes children hate their fathers, because they abandoned them and did not take care of them or look after them as they should.  

Secondly: 

A man may dislike his wife and not be able to stand being with her any longer. In that case it is prescribed in sharee’ah for him either to keep her in a proper and decent manner or to let her go in a kind manner. He may not be able to keep her in a decent manner because of his intense dislike for her – for example – or for some other reason, so there remains no choice but to be frank, in a kind manner, and divorce her kindly, and give her all her rights in full. 

The woman may want to stay with him as a wife, so she may ask him to keep her and forego some of her rights over him, such as the division of his time (in the case of a plural marriage) and spending. In that case the man should agree to her request, because that will make her feel good and will mean that he is still being kind to her, especially if that will not cause him any harm or problems. 

The following verse was revealed concerning such situations (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no sin on them both if they make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace is better. And human inner-selves are swayed by greed. But if you do good and keep away from evil, verily, Allaah is Ever Well‑Acquainted with what you do”

[al-Nisa’ 4:128] 

‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said – as narrated by al-Bukhaari (4910) and Muslim (3021) – that this verse was revealed concerning such situations. She said: “ ‘And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part’ this refers to a woman who is married to a man who does not want to keep her any longer and wants to divorce her and marry someone else, and she says to him: ‘Keep me and do not divorce me, but marry someone else too, and you do not have to spend on me or give me a share of your time.’ This is what Allaah says: ‘there is no sin on them both if they make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace is better’.” 

Conclusion: 

It is not permissible for a man to leave his wife for so long; if he does that, then the woman has the right to refer the matter to the qaadi and ask for a divorce so as to avoid harmful consequences. 

If she chooses to be patient in the hope that Allaah will guide him and he will give up this mistreatment, there is no sin on her in sha Allaah, subject to the condition that this does not expose her to temptation because of her being away from her husband. 

We ask Allaah to set the affairs of the Muslims straight and to guide them aright. And Allaah knows best.

Her husband cannot have intercourse with her because of the pain she feels. What is the solution?

I apologize for this question,but I feel really bad. I am a muslim sister and married for 2 months now. The problem is this: I love my husband very much but every time when we have intercourse he can't put his penis in my vagina. It hurts so much for me. I know this is called frigidity. I had a bad youth, an uncle touched me when I was young and I know I cant have intercourse with my husband because my uncle did this to me. My husband is very patience with me and very sweet,but he don't know what to do either. Can you please help me?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

The husband has to be gentle with his wife if intercourse is painful for her or causes her psychological difficulty. He has to be patient with her until she recovers from her problem or gets used to him and feels at ease with him, and she herself wants it as much as he does. 

Ibn Hazm said: 

Slaves and free women are obliged not to prevent their masters or husbands having intercourse with them when they call them, so long as the woman who is called is not menstruating or sick and will not be harmed by having intercourse, or is observing an obligatory fast. 

Al-Muhalla, 10/40. 

This matter is undoubtedly difficult, especially for one who is recently married, but it is better than causing problems that will wreck married life. The sister mentions that she loves her husband; he should take note of that and use it to fulfil his desires in a permissible manner. 

We advise the husband to read the answer to question no. 5560, which explains the matter further. 

The wife should also try to treat herself, physically and mentally. She should not give in to the psychological pain or be a prisoner of the past. Her husband is not her evil uncle who abused her when she was small. Now she is a grown up and she is with her husband, and they are permissible for one another. 

With regard to the physical pain, this is something natural when one is first married. This pain will soon go away, in sha Allah. All it needs is a little patience. 

You should both make a lot of du’aa’ and strive to follow the commands of Allaah by regularly performing the obligatory duties, observing the commands of Allaah on time and adhering to what He enjoins with regard to dress etc. All of that may be a means of Allaah hastening to relieve you and remove whatever psychological and other barriers may be present.  

And Allaah knows best.

He loves his fiancée but she wants to cancel the engagement; what should he do?

I am a 25 years old man. I engaged my relative about one year and half ago. Before this we had a love relationship for about two years. We both are religious, abiding by prayers and avoiding any haram. We fell in some sins many times but, Alhamdulillah, repented to Allah and we are seeking His forgiveness day and night. We have been alone together many times, which led us to do things like kissing and touching. Since that time we repented and are asking Allah to forgive us. Now my fiancée wants break our engagement for very small and meaningless reasons. Everyone objects to her reasons, her family and my family, we all relatives. She is also hesitant about this decision. We love each other for many years and I do not want to lose her ever. Please guide me to the right behavior I should do with her. I wish I receive an answer soon as I am passing this problem at the moment and do not know what to do.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

What you have mentioned about your relationship with your relative and the haraam actions that you committed is something that is very regrettable when it happens among Muslims. It is indicative of fathers’ and mothers’ shortcomings in protecting their daughters and preventing them from mixing with men, and being careless with regard to relatives concerning this matter. 

We praise Allaah for having given you insight into your mistakes and enabling you to repent and regret it and seek forgiveness. We ask Him, may He be glorified, to forgive you and accept your repentance. 

Secondly: 

You should find out the reasons why this girl wants to cancel the engagement. You could delegate this task to one of your female relatives. There may be reasons that can be remedied. 

If the girl insists on her position, then all you can do is be patient and seek reward, and perhaps that will be better  for you, because one does not know where good will be, and with whom he will find happiness. 

You should also pray istikhaarah, asking Allaah for guidance, and ask Allaah to help you to get married to a righteous woman. 

Beware lest you be one of those who are weak in faith, who – when they miss out on something they had wished for – lose their strength and willpower, and indulge in haraam things, or they fail to do obligatory duties, or they announce their withdrawal from life. That is the attitude of those who are hopeless and filled with despair. But the believer knows that everything happens by the will and decree of Allaah, and that he will never get anything but that which has been decreed for him. Hence Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but it is inscribed in the Book of Decrees (Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz) before We bring it into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allaah.

23. In order that you may not grieve at the things over that you fail to get, nor rejoice over that which has been given to you. And Allaah likes not prideful boasters”

[al-Hadeed 57:22, 23] 

We ask Allaah to guide you to what is good for you and make it easy for you wherever it may be, and to enable you to have a happy and successful marriage by His leave. 

And Allaah knows best.

He wants to propose to a woman in another city; can he ask for her picture?

How can I look at a woman before proposing if we live in two different cities and I cannot travel?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man has decided to propose to a woman, it is permissible for him to look at that which may encourage him to marry her, because of the report narrated by Abu Dawood (2082) from Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When one of you proposes to a woman, if he can look at that which may encourage him to go ahead and marry her, let him do so.” He said: I proposed to a girl and I used to hide myself from her until I saw that which encouraged me to marry her, and I went ahead and married her. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. 

For more information on the guidelines on looking, see the answer to question no. 2572. 

If you cannot travel to see the one to whom you want to propose, then you can look at a picture of her, but you should realize that a picture is not a true reflection of reality. A woman may appear more beautiful in a picture than she really is, and vice versa. 

You also have to get rid of this picture and not keep it, and you have to be careful so that no one else sees it but you. 

Do not ask for a picture until you have feel that you want to marry her, after asking about her religious commitment and situation, and you think that you will most likely be accepted. When there is nothing left to be done but seeing her, then ask for the picture at that point, because of the report narrated by Ahmad (18005) and Ibn Majaah (1864) from Muhammad ibn Maslamah, who said: I proposed marriage to a woman, then I hid and waited to see her until I saw her among some date palm trees that belonged to her. It was said to him: Do you do such a thing when you are a companion of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)? He said, “When Allaah causes a man to propose to a woman, there is nothing wrong with him looking at her.” It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Majaah. 

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If he wants to propose to her it is mustahabb for him to look at her lest he come to regret it. Another view is that this looking is not mustahabb, rather it is permissible, but the former view is the one that is correct, because of the ahaadeeth. It is permissible to look repeatedly in order to have a good idea about her physical appearance, whether the looking is with her permission or not. If it is not easy to look, he may send a woman to look at her and describe her to him. End quote from Rawdat al-Taalibeen (7/19). 

Looking at one’s fiancée or at her picture is subject to the condition that there be no provocation of desire, so he should look at her without pleasure. 

It says in Mataalib Ooli al-Nuha (5/12): If the one who proposes to a woman is certain that there will be no provocation of desire when looking at her, without being alone with her, he may look at her. If he is alone with her or there is the fear that desire may be provoked, then it is not permissible. End quote. 

And Allaah knows best.

He proposed marriage to a girl and she prayed istikhaarah and saw them both and their families in Paradise

My ex fiance did an istakhara last year in ramadan, and in her dream she saw me in jannah with her and her familly, sand we have broken the engagement for about 2 years, and yeah we both want to be married with each other can you please tell me what to do about getting with her again and also tell me details about her istakhara which she did about us and saw me with her in jannah please.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

If this girl is religiously committed and of good character, then there is no reason why you should not propose to her again, then complete the marriage contract with her, so long as both of you want to get married. We ask Allaah to make good easy for you wherever it is, and to make it a happy and blessed marriage. 

Secondly:

It is prescribed for the one who wants to get married to pray istikhaarah, asking Allaah for guidance, and to mention by name the girl whom he wants to marry. The girl should also do likewise. If the matter then goes ahead smoothly with no problems, that is a sign that it is good to go ahead and complete the marriage contract, but if he encounters any obstacles that is a sign that Allaah is diverting him from going ahead. 

Istikhaarah does not depend on dreams as some people think. We have discussed istikhaarah and how it is to be done, and commented on the hadeeth about it, in the answer to question no. 11981 and 5882. 

We do not know how to interpret dreams. 

And Allaah knows best.

He got to know her through a forum and he wants to propose marriage to her

I am a 26 years old man. I knew a girl via the internet. She is 20 years old. We had a very normal relationship initially through a forum. Then we started to message each other via E-mail. I felt comfortable with her, and she felt the same. Some time later I expressed my wish to marry her. It was a surprise for her, and then she told me afterwards that she accepts. This decision I made to marry her is based on: 1- I felt very comfortable with her, 2- she is from a decent family, which is suitable for me, 3- she is moral girl,…etc. we know each other for one year now. Allah witnesses that we never talked about sex. We call each other by telephone very few times, nearly once a month, just to ask how she is. But we message each other all the time through the E-mail. She and I wish to have a halal relationship by marriage. Do you advise me to do so or not? Allah witnesses that my intention is pure, also please tell me a suitable way in which I can tell my mother to engage her for me.

Praise be to Allaah.

We have previously explained that it is haraam to form relationships between men and women and for them to correspond for the purpose of getting to know one another, in the answers to questions no. 34841 and 82196. That is because of the fitnah (temptation) and infatuation that result from that, and because it may lead to direct contact and the haraam words and actions that may result from that. 

In Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (17/67) it says: It is not permissible for you to correspond with a young man who is not your mahram to get to know him, because that is something that leads to fitnah (temptation) and to evil and corruption. End quote. 

The peace of mind or feeling comfortable that you mention is something that is to be expected, because humans are created to be inclined towards the opposite sex, so you want that and like it and feel comfortable with it. Then comes the fitnah that we have warned about. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “This world is sweet and green, and Allaah will make you successive generations therein, so look at what you do. Beware of this world and beware of women, for the first fitnah (trial) among the Children of Israel had to do with women.” Narrated by Muslim (2742).  

Hence you have to repent to Allaah and stop this correspondence and contact, because this girl is a non-mahram who is not permissible for you. She should also understand this fact. A happy marriage cannot be based on sin and transgression of the sacred limits. 

Secondly: 

There is nothing wrong with marrying this girl after asking about her religious commitment and character and her family’s circumstances. If she is religiously committed and of good character, and her corresponding with you was a slip, then pray istikhaarah, asking Allaah for guidance, and go to her wali (guardian) and propose marriage to her. 

After you have asked about her, you may find a suitable way to tell your mother about her, such as finding a girl who is known to some of your relatives and friends and so on, because telling her that you got to know her via the internet may be a reason for rejecting her. 

We ask Allaah to help you to choose a righteous wife who will make you happy and help you to obey Allaah. 

And Allaah knows best.Its the responsibility of every Moslem in learning Quran and tajweed and we also must teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then be aware of the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was vituperated and verity teaching of holy Quran and with Quranic tajweed we read Quran we can understand better all the replies that are necessitated if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity substance of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the information of the Holy Scripture with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we continue with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the information of Quran tafseer and one query that we all is required to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad acts to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the query remains the very same that the reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to respond is there any Divine All these response can be found when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our job

She loves her cousin and he has proposed to her but he does not pray apart from Jumu’ah (Friday prayer)

All praise be to Allah who guided me to pray, wear hejab and niqab. My question is about my cousin, he told me secretly that he loves me. He proposed to me but my father refuses him in spite of knowing that we love each other. He refuses the matter of marriage between relatives; also my cousin does not pray but jumu’ah, he smokes cigarettes and shisha and wastes his time sitting on cafés. He is of less status than us, financially and socially, as I am a doctor and he is a clerk, he is not religious either and his family and my father have many problems. But we love each other and I do not see my happiness in all those things, it is only with whom I love. I think it is easy for Allah to guide him as he guided me, as he is a moral man.
Shall I persist in asking my father to accept him hoping that Allah guides him after marriage, sacrificing all these differences between us, and thinking of the prophet’s (PBUH) Hadeeth: “marriage is the best for the two who love each other”?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If your cousin does not pray apart from Jumu’ah, and he smokes the shisha and sits in coffee shops, then you should not accept him, rather it is not permissible for you to accept him, because if a person does not pray apart from Jumu’ah, the scholars differed as to whether he is a kaafir; some of them said that he is a kaafir, and some said that he is a faasiq (evildoer). At the very least he is committing a major sin. 

How can a believing, righteous woman whom Allaah has blessed with guidance and who has become religiously committed and righteous, accept to marry a man like this?! 

As for the love to which you refer, it cannot be denied that the best remedy for two who love one another is marriage, but this should not be at the expense of religious commitment, because love may change and disappear, and be followed by hate and harm, especially if the man is heedless of the rights of Allaah. 

Marrying a man who is not righteous in the hope that he may be guided in the future is a risk that leads to negative consequences. He may or may not become righteous. You have to imagine what your life would be like with a man who does not pray, and who offends you with the stink of his smoke, and who wastes his time with bad companions in the coffee house. 

A person like you is not unaware of the difference between the life of religiously committed people and the life of others who pray and are good in general, so how about life with one who does not pray and who smokes? 

If this young man knows that he has been rejected because he does not pray and he smokes, and he does not mend his ways or become righteous, then the hope that he might become righteous after marriage is even more farfetched. No one knows what will happen tomorrow except Allaah, but this is based on general knowledge of how people are. If he really wants to marry you, then he will do everything he can to improve and change his image. If he does not do that, then there is a strong possibility that he may stay as he is after getting married. 

Hence we advise you to let him know that you have rejected him because of his shortcomings and negligence with regard to religion, and that the rejection did not come only from your father, but it has in fact come from you too, after suppressing your feelings and following the rulings of sharee’ah on this issue. If he changes and becomes righteous, and that lasts long enough for you to be certain that he is steadfast, then in that case you may accept his proposal, and urge your father to agree.  

But if he remains as he is, then stop thinking about him and remember that there are many other men who are righteous. Married life is intended to last for a long time, and it requires both partners to be compatible, so that their life will be good and they will produce righteous offspring and build a good family. 

Happiness is not attained just by getting what one wants; rather true happiness is a gift from Allaah, which follows faith and righteous deeds, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)”

[al-Nahl 16:97] 

Hence we see many cases that start with love before marriage, and end in failure and sorrow, because they were not based on obedience to Allaah. 

See the answer to question no. 84102 in which there is a social study of this issue. 

Secondly: 

It is obvious that your cousin is a non-mahram to you like any other non-mahram man, so there can be no relationship between you before marriage. So he should not look, shake hands, be alone with you or engage in conversation in which you speak in a soft voice. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“…be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner”

[al-Ahzaab 33:32] 

We ask Allaah to guide us and you. 

And Allaah knows best.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem to learn Quran and tajweed and we also must teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then be conscious of the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was railed and truth teaching of holy Quran and with tajweed we read Quran we can understand better all the responses that are demanded if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity core of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the information of the Scripture with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we keep on with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the ability of Quran tafseer and one inquiry that we all is necessary to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad acts to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the interrogation remains the exact same that the reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to reply is there any Lord All these reply exist when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our task. We all must do quran memorization and listen to quran online when ever we have time to stay in touch

 

Is it permissible for her to wear a little makeup when a suitor comes to see her?

Is it permissible for a woman to wear a very little makeup when the suitor looks at her?.

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible for a woman to show her adornment except to those whom Allaah has mentioned in the verse (interpretation of the meaning): 

“… and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, headcover, apron), and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons, or their brothers or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of feminine sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allaah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful”

[al-Noor 24:30-31] 

The suitor is not one of these, rather he is only permitted to look for the purpose of proposing marriage, and the woman does not have the right to adorn herself for him. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: It is permissible for the suitor to see the woman to whom he is proposing marriage, but that is subject to certain conditions: 

1 – That he needs to see her. If there is no need then the basic principle is that a man should not look at a woman who is a non-mahram to him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)” [al-Noor 24:30]. 

2 – He should have made up his mind that he wants to propose. If he is still hesitant then he should not look, but if he has made up his mind then he may look, then he should either go ahead or give up the idea. 

3 – This looking should be without being alone with her, i.e. it is essential that she have one of her mahrams with her, either her father, brother, paternal uncle or maternal uncle. That is because being alone with a non-mahram woman is haraam, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man should be alone with a woman without a mahram being present.” And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” They said: O Messenger of Allaah, what about the in-law? He said: “The in-law is death.” 

4 – He should think it most likely that she and her family will accept. If he does not think that is most likely, then there is no point in looking in this case, because his proposal will not be accepted, whether he looks at her or not. 

Some scholars stipulated that his desire should not be provoked when looking, and that his aim should be only to find out. If his desire is provoked then he must stop looking, because before the marriage contract is done with a woman, it is not appropriate to enjoy looking at her, so he must refrain. In this situation the woman must come out to the suitor looking ordinary; she should not come out wearing beautiful clothes or makeup, because she is not yet his wife. Moreover, if she comes to him looking beautiful and wearing her best clothes, then he may propose because he was dazzled by her the first time he looked at her, then he will find out that she is not as she appeared to him at first.  

End quote from Fataawa Noor ‘ala al-Darb 

Elsewhere he (may Allaah have mercy on him) indicated that this may have the opposite effect, because if he looks at her when she is wearing makeup and fine clothes, he may see her as more beautiful than she really is, and in that case when he enters upon her following the wedding and sees her as she really is, he may be put off her and no longer interested in him. 

To sum up: If a suitor comes to a woman it is permissible for her to uncover her face and hands and head and that which usually appears, according to the correct view, but without wearing any cosmetics or adornments. 

And Allaah knows best.

Her fiancé refuses to let her wear hijab

I am a religiously-committed Tunisian girl, but I have a problem. My fiancé refuses to let me wear hijab – even modern hijab. I am wondering whether I should go ahead with the marriage or reject him? Please note that most Tunisians are like this.

Praise be to Allaah.

Our advice to you is to heed the command that Allaah has given to all people, the earlier and later (generations), advice that combines the best of this world and the Hereafter. Allaah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And verily, We have recommended to the people of the Scripture before you, and to you (O Muslims) that you (all) fear Allaah, and keep your duty to Him”

[al-Nisa’ 4:131] 

What goodness can there be in this world if it involves incurring the wrath of the Lord, may He be exalted? What happiness can there be if it is not following that path that leads to Allaah’s pleasure? Would a believer be happy to make gains in this world and lose out in the Hereafter? 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! Fear Allaah and keep your duty to Him. And let every person look to what he has sent forth for the morrow, and fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what you do. 

19. And be not like those who forgot Allaah (i.e. became disobedient to Allaah), and He caused them to forget their ownselves (let them to forget to do righteous deeds). Those are the Faasiqoon (rebellious, disobedient to Allaah).

20. Not equal are the dwellers of the Fire and the dwellers of the Paradise. It is the dwellers of Paradise that will be successful”

[al-Hashr 59:18-20]. 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told men to choose a wife who is religiously-committed, and he told women and their guardians to choose a man who is also religiously-committed.  

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (1022). 

The man who prevents his wife from wearing hijab is not a man of good character or religiously committed who deserves to be married. Rather it is most likely that the one who prevents his wife from wearing hijab will also be negligent about other major sins and actions that doom one to Hell. How can he protect his wife and household, or how can he raise his children to obey Allaah when he is disobeying Him and telling others to do likewise? 

It says in al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (24/62): 

The wali (guardian) should not give the female relative in his care in marriage to anyone but a man who is pious and righteous. End quote. 

Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan said in al-Muntaqa (4/question no. 198): 

When marrying, we should choose righteous spouses who adhere firmly to their religion, who respect the sanctity of marriage and the importance of good treatment (of spouses). It is not permissible to be careless with regard to this matter. Such heedlessness has become widespread nowadays, with regard to this important matter. People give their daughters and female relatives in marriage to men who do not fear Allaah and the Last Day, and they end up complaining about the husbands and they are confused about how to deal with them. If they had looked for a righteous man before marriage, Allaah would have made it easy for them (to find such a man). But in most cases this stems from negligence and a failure to seek righteous husbands, and a bad man can never be suitable. It is not permissible to take this matter lightly, because (such a man) will mistreat the woman and he may lead her away from her religion or influence her children. End quote. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said in Fataawa Noor ‘ala al-Darb (al-Nikaah/Ikhtiyaar al-Zawj/question no. 16): 

What the woman’s guardian must do if a suitor comes to propose to her is to find out about his religious commitment and character. If they are good then he should give her to him in marriage, and if they are not good then he should not do so, and Allaah will bring to his female relatives one who is religiously committed and of good character, for when Allaah knows that the reason why the guardian did not give her to that suitor was so that a man of good character and religious commitment could propose to her, then He will help him to find such a man. End quote. 

What we think is that you should not accept this fiancé, and Allaah will compensate you with someone better than him. 

And Allaah knows best.

If the husband is the woman’s wali, can he get himself married to her?

I want to marry my cousin. She is my paternal cousin. I am her wali according to a shar’ee guardianship. I want to marry her but we do not have close relatives or brothers. There is no one else apart from me who can be her wali. Is it permissible that I say to her: “I give you myself in marriage” then she says: “I accept” in witnesses’ presence? Or shall I ask the marriage contractor to be her wali? What shall I do?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If a woman’s guardian (wali) with regard to marriage is her cousin (son of her paternal uncle) and he wants to marry her, there is nothing wrong with that if she agrees. 

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

The wali of a woman for whom it is permissible to marry her may be her cousin, her master, the judge or the ruler. If she gives him permission to marry her then he may do that. End quote. 

Al-Mughni (7/360). 

In that case he may do the marriage contract on behalf of himself and the woman, because he is her wali. So he says: I marry you, or I marry myself to So and so, and so on. He does not need to say I accept, because his acceptance is implied. And she does not need to say I accept either, because a woman cannot do the marriage contract for herself or for anyone else, rather her wali does the marriage contract for her. 

Or he may appoint another man to do his marriage contract on his behalf, whether this wakeel is a state official or someone else. In that case his deputy (wakeel) says: I give you So and so in marriage, and he says: I accept. Thus the marriage contract is done. Both ways are narrated from the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them). 

Imam al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

Chapter: If the wali is the suitor. Al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah proposed marriage to a woman when he was her next of kin (her guardian), so he told another man to do the marriage contract for him. 

‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf said to Umm Hakeem bint Qaarit: Will you put me in charge of your affairs? She said: Yes. He said: Then I offer to marry you. 

‘Ata’ said: Let him bring witnesses, or let him order a man among her family. End quote. 

Al-Albaani classed the reports of al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah and ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf (may Allaah be pleased with them) as saheeh in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 1845 and 1855. 

It should be noted that it is essential to have the marriage contract witnessed in both cases. For information on the essential parts and conditions of marriage, please see the answer to question no. 2127. 

End quote. 

And Allaah knows best.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem in learning Quran and tajweed and we also must teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then be aware of the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was vituperated and verity teaching of holy Quran and with Quranic tajweed we read Quran we can understand better all the replies that are necessitated if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity substance of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the information of the Holy Scripture with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we continue with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the information of Quran tafseer and one query that we all is required to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad acts to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the query remains the very same that the reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to respond is there any Divine All these response can be found when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our job.

 

 

She has received a proposal from a young man who smokes – should she agree to marry him?

A man proposed to me. When we asked about him and found out that he smokes. Should a man be refused due to such a vice?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Smoking is haraam because of evidence which we have explained previously in the answer to question no. 9083. 

The one who persists in smoking is no longer regarded as being of good character, and the basic principle is that a woman should choose a husband who is righteous and of good character, who does not commit major sins or persist in minor sins, and who is not known as an evildoer. But if she is getting older and fears that no one will propose to her in the near future, and this suitor is religiously committed and of good character in other ways, such as if he prays regularly and is kind and has a good attitude, and he keeps away from evil and immoral things, after enquiring closely about him, then she may pray istikhaarah and ask Allaah for guidance, and agree to marry him, but she should advise him after that and encourage him to give up smoking. 

But if she still has some time and is likely to have the opportunity to marry someone else who is righteous, then she should not accept the suitor who smokes, because of what we have stated above that he is persisting in sin, and because smoking is harmful to him and others, and it will also harm the wife and children. A woman may not be able to stand being intimate when there is the foul stench of smoke, and staying with the husband may cause her distress and hardship. May Allaah help us all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

And Allaah knows best.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem to learn Quran and tajweed and we also must teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then be conscious of the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was railed and truth teaching of holy Quran and with tajweed we read Quran we can understand better all the responses that are demanded if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity core of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the information of the Scripture with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we keep on with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the ability of Quran tafseer and one inquiry that we all is necessary to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad acts to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the interrogation remains the exact same that the reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to reply is there any Lord All these reply exist when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our task. We all must do quran memorization and listen to quran online when ever we have time to stay in touch

Marrying someone who is infected with and is a carrier of hepatitis B

What is the Islamic ruling on marrying someone who has hepatitis B, knowing that this disease is transmitted sexually and through the blood, and may also be transmitted via saliva (although there is no medical consensus on the latter)? The question here is about a man who has the virus but his liver is healthy, i.e., he is a carrier of the virus only, which means that the virus is hidden in some tissues such as the liver and it is not multiplying, but the possibility that it may revive and become active remains constant. The woman whom he wants to marry has been vaccinated against this disease previously, and the doctor says that there is no danger to her from the virus in this case, and Allaah knows best. If marriage is not forbidden in this case, we hope that you can advise the sick person as to how he should speak about this disease when he proposes marriage; for example, when exactly should he tell the woman and what should he say?.

Praise be to Allaah.

The one who is a carrier of hepatitis B or has the disease may get married to a healthy woman or a woman who is infected with this disease, if she accepts that after he tells her about his situation. 

It is not permissible for him to get married unless he tells her about his sickness, because concealing that is deceit which is haraam. If he conceals it, then his wife finds out about that, she has the right to annul the marriage. 

It is well known medically that most people who get hepatitis B can resist it and expel it from the body, but there is a proportion of people, between five and 10%, whose bodies cannot get rid of it, so they become carriers of the disease, and in a small number the disease may develop into cirrhosis of the liver, cancer of the liver, liver failure or death. In addition to that, in 10% of those infected, the disease may become chronic and the person becomes a carrier of the virus and is able to spread the sickness to others. 

The carrier of the virus usually does not have any signs or symptoms of sickness, as his liver enzymes appear normal, but he remains infected for a number of years or maybe for the rest of his life, and he is able to transmit the virus to others. Most carriers of the virus do not suffer from any real problems with hepatitis B. Although they have good health, a few of them may be more susceptible than others to chronic liver infection, cirrhosis and tumours of the liver. The tumours usually grow in people who have developed cirrhosis of the liver. 

In order to prevent spread of this virus via carriers of the virus, it is essential to do the following: 

1.     He should not engage in sexual activity unless the other party has immunity or has had the necessary vaccinations against this virus; otherwise he must wear a condom.

2.     He should not donate blood or plasma or any part of his body to others, or share razor blades, toothbrushes or nail clippers.

3.     He should not swim in swimming pools if he has any wounds on his skin.

4.     His family members should be tested and vaccinations should be given to those who are not carriers of the virus and who do not have any immunity. 

End quote. 

See the article Amraad al-Kabd wa Zaraa’at al-Kabd, by Dr. Ibraaheem ibn Hamad al-Tareef. 

As to how to tell the woman he wants to propose to do about that, he should explain the facts to her at the time of proposal, and tell her that he is healthy and well, but tests have shown the presence of this virus, and the doctor has told him that she will not be harmed because she has been vaccinated against it. If she agrees to marry him, then all well and good, and if she refuses and prefers to be safe and not take the risk, then she may do that. 

And Allaah knows best.